Let's face it: Saturday's Tide & Tiger games are not too difficult to predict, but thanks to Karlac The Magnificent (a tip of the cap to the late Johnny Carson for creating his Carnac masterpiece years ago, thus me ripping it off), here are the exact scores from the games. Oh, sure - anyone can tell you that Alabama and Auburn will win, but only here will you see what numbers will light up those scoreboards. Here we go!
The answer: A Hilltopper
The question: What did Sir Edmund Hillary become when he ascended the 29,000-foot Mount Everest on May 29, 1953?
Former UAB assistant Jeff Brohm will bring his Western Kentucky Hilltoppers into Bryant-Denny Stadium hoping to get things moving. Good luck with that. While Nick Saban has reminded us all week that WKU was a top-25 team last season, this could be over quickly. Coach Saban will have a chance to play all sorts of people- in fact by the third quarter Eli Gold and Big Al will line up at center and right guard. I must admit that Brohm makes some nice decisions with his offensive players (although he made a bad decision years ago turning down offers by Saban to become the Bama offensive coordinator). But with sack masters Tim Williams, Ryan Anderson and Jonathan Allen getting loose, watch out.
So what happens on Saturday? Blake Barnett will start at quarterback and quickly rotate alongside Cooper Bateman and Jalen Hurts. Calvin Ridley will catch a TD pass from Hurts, while O.J Howard will reel one in from yes- Bateman. Damien Harris will run for 111 yards and Bo Scarbrough 94 yards. The Tide offense will put up 447 yards and hold the Hilltoppers to two touchdowns.
The final: 45-17 Alabama
The answer: The Red Wolves
The question: What was the result when the Big Bad Wolf stole Little Red Riding Hood's cape and shared it with his buddies?
Here's a fact that may get an Auburn fan nervous: The Tigers have never lost to a Sunbelt Conference football team. Ruh-Roh! But Tiger fans should rest easy as on Saturday night, fans will see more points and fewer quarterbacks than they saw a week ago. Last Saturday, Gus Malzahn's Frankenstein-like quarterback experiment went south as he made 22 QB substitutions, 14 of those in the middle of drives. This time around the boo-birds will be silent as the Tigers will get back on track.
How does this one play out? Gus Malzahn will rotate Sean White and John Franklin, III, and to the dismay of those Twitter gossipers, Jeremy Johnson will appear in the third quarter to score a short TD after lining up at Wildcat. The Auburn quarterbacks will throw for a combined 387 yards. Kerryon Johnson will run for 112 yards and there will be a Rudy Ford sighting at tailback. The Tigers will top the 500-yard mark on offense, and Montravius Adams will scoop up a fumble and rumble 57 yards for a score, all the while receiving oxygen from the training staff.
The final: 31-13 Auburn
So there you have it. Enjoy the games, thank me Sunday, and be sure to visit next Friday as I once again take all the excitement out of how the games will unfold.