What can I say? 2013 may have been one of the most eventful, exhilarating and exciting years in sports- ever! Bama won a BCS Championship, Auburn nearly did. The Tiger football team turned heads, the Hoover Bucs flexed their muscle, Jimmie Johnson drove to victory and a new ballpark opened in downtown Birmingham. All that and my favorite baseball team won a World Series!
What can you expect in the world of sports in 2014? Come December you will be contacting me to say you heard it here first! Here's your month-by-month rundown for 2014:
January: The Denver Broncos will beat the San Francisco 49'ers 27-23 to win XLVIII. Peyton Manning with be named Super Bowl MVP in icy New York, where he will remain as he will announce his retirement a day after the Super Bowl. Spurning offers from ESPN and Fox, Manning will announce that he has signed a lucrative deal with NBC to replace Seth Meyers as official host of "Weekend Update" on "Saturday Night Live". Asked immediately after the game where he's heading, Peyton threw many a curve, yelling jokingly, "I'm going to Omaha!"
February: Alabama and Auburn finish 1-2 in the national recruiting rankings, the Tide edging the Tigers. Also, Bama OC Lane Kiffin gets a 2015 commitment from quarterback David Sills.
Kiffin offered Sills a scholarship to Southern Cal when Sills was 13 years old. Now a high school senior, the kid is ready to play for Kiffin. The Bama OC offers no comment but does say, "Talk to me a few days before the BCS championship game- Nick says I can talk to you then ."
March: Once again, the Tide, Tigers and Blazers fail to make the NCAA Basketball Tournament. The Blazers slide into the NIT after shooting only 6 percent from the free throw line during the season. The first-round NIT game? UAB at Alabama, where the Blazers win 58-56. Says UAB Director of Athletics Brian Mackin, "Need I remind the media that UAB is unbeaten against the Tide in basketball, and our football team is unbeaten against Nick Saban.
April: Facing mounting pressure, Augusta National Golf Club announces the admission of another woman. At a hastily-called news conference, Augusta chairman Billy Payne says, "While I cannot divulge the name of our newest member, I can tell you she will be cooking dinner for the guys on Wednesday night."
May: In a photo finish, Revolutionary beats Orb to win the Kentucky Derby. Two days later, YahooSports reports that Revolutionary tested positive for steroids. Investigative reporter Charles Robinson corners the horse, asking. "Hey, why the long face?"
Says the horse, "I never took steroids or HGH but I admit using the cream."
June: In a jam-packed ceremony in Gulf Shores, former Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron weds Katherine Webb. AJ's best man Brent Musburger toasts the couple, saying, "I'm telling you- if you have a son and he lives in Alabama, head to the back yard and start throwing around the football." Asked why the choice of Musburger as best man, McCarron says, "Are you kidding? Where would my wife's career be without him?
July: Ricky Stenhouse, Jr wins the CokeZero400 at Daytona Speedway with his fiancé Danica Patrick placing second. Asked about the key to the love bird's 1-2 finish, Stenhouse said, "That's easy- booster seats!". Patrick meanwhile kept up her long-time tradition of running from the media while being asked for comment.
August: A total of 37 babies named "Chris" and 13 babies named "Ricardo" are born in our state (think back 9 months my friend).
September: Officials at UAB announce that starting in the fall of 2015, the Blazers football team will play in a new stadium. Says one school official, "Since we are going no where with the UA trustees, we are pleased to announce that all of our games will be played in 2015 at either Birmingham Southern, Jacksonville State or Troy. We think the stadiums on those campuses will do just fine."
October: Fox network officials announce that the starting times for all World Series games will be 1 am ET. Says one senior Fox sports executive who reports to Mr. Hill & Mr. Shanks, "Since World Series games in previous years have ended at 1 am ET, we think we owe it to the fans to start each game at 1 am. That way, our devoted viewers can get a quick snooze before the game and chow down on breakfast once our post-game coverage ends. It will certainly result in lots talk around the water cooler later that morning."
November: The Crimson Tide win the Iron Bowl on a 109-yard TD return by Christion Jones with one second remaining in the game. Asked after the game about the big play and his team's 34-28 win, Jones said, "What was Malzahn thinking? He left all the big guys in the game and they couldn't catch me- serves him right for asking the officials to put a second back on the clock."
December: With a full football season under it's belt, the SEC Network changes up their talent line-up of its "SEC Network" show as Tim Tebow struggles. Network officials together with Commissioner Mike Slive announce that Tebow will join Sam Ponder as a sideline analyst, while Joe Tessitore and Paul Finebaum will be joined on set by Tammy.
Says one network official, "Like world-wide celebrities with one name- see Cher, Madonna, Beyoncé- Tammy always gets the best out of Paul, and she will sure give Joe a rest so he can read over the next segment."
I hope your 2014 goes great! See ya on TV!
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